Bits of my heart 2020

In the cool wind of the morning, I still my feet to stop the sound of boots. The only sign of my living, being my breath, breathe in breathe out, thankfully the rythym continues. I have heard, and made a lot of cacophony with sticks, drums and harsh words. This cool morning I wish none of those , just profound silence, as if to compensate the noise of civilization. Have you been in a forest , far from the city, have you immersed yourself with sounds nature made and found the difference. The rythym of creation, so different from that of civilization. If man had given ear to these sounds, maybe just maybe, his destructive creation would have lost its teeth, and the bite would be softer on the earth and environment as a whole. He might have realized that all the glitter and massive structures he is making is only, in fact a bigger hole to bury the whole of mankind.

 To see beyond seeing, to seek beyond seeking. To feel beyond the self which has boundaries of ego and pride. To love as natural as breathing without effort or force. Treating good and bad situations as stepping stones to go further in Life. To gather friends like precious stones, and shed enemies like falling autumn leaves. To be the flow in the river and wind, the energy in the crowd. Be the cause of the smile on a stranger's lip, twinkle in a child's eye. Seek God in every action rather than a place of worship. For he is in every action and word you utter, the life force that keeps you alive. If you see him in every deed you will not harm  self or another. If all this is done a better human you will be.

 In these troubled covideyan times when a sure cure is still a dream. Scientist and doctors baffled by this tiny minuscule. I pray that some of the old sayings still stand the test of time. One being "this too shall pass". The other,  when a pendulum swings too far in one direction it always corrects itself in time. With these sayings I pass my day seeing anxiety in the eyes of masked faces during my morning walk. Lipstick sales are low, and so too makeup kits, for half covered faces ask not for these. Living in a world shaped in such a manner that it cannot be turned upside down, yet for once things seem topsy turvy. Yet one thing called hope which asks for nothing but a little fate peeps from yonder reminding us a rainbow however far it arc's bends earthwards in the end.

 Judge others as you would wish to be judged remember ever coin has another side. Every fallen leaf, a story to tell, judge them not till you hear their tale. Today it's them, tomorrow you might wear those shoes in worse conditions than thought can surmise. When we judge in haste or are judged by others, we spend sleepless nights filled with endless dreams. Let us keep the unsaid promise, and pass no judgement but instead accept with open heart all around us without a second thought. All are gods children it takes more than one color to make the rainbow what it is.

  As I shut my eyes, the world disappears, as my lids open reappear. Is  existence an illusion or is it something in my mind. Tomorrow is a mystery, yet to begin, yesterday history that might be written. Faltering footsteps we take into the unknown fear of losing ground makes us hurry along. New paths we take untouched by human foot driven by curiosity of what's in store on far off shores. Existence is an unproved illusion

 Trying to make a living, we forget the essence of life. Have you tried to fall asleep, and found it hard when you do fall asleep, it's natural and needs no effort from you. While traveling, we use the fastest means to get from point A to B. We forget that the whole fun lies, in the journey and not the destination. Fly from kanyakumari to kashmiri, in a few hours same journey take ten days or a fortnight. The enjoyment is so profound, when you savior each step of the way. Life too is such a journey, savior every moment, don't gulp life, sip it like a wine taster sip by sip. Do this all hardships will be forgotten in the profound aftertaste.

  I have put more burden than an ox can bear, the many blows I've delt breaking you and then stitching you together, with medicine and hospital care. My greed has made you beat ten times faster than you are ment to. Even the rest and pleasures I take are a pain for you. Inspite of all this and more, you have done all you could without missing a beat. Even when you cried out in pain to just slow down the pace I gave a deaf ear to your feeble requests. Today all that I can say, is a sorry for all the foolish acts of mine. Dear heart forgive me my follies if life does give me a chance I will care for you and make-up for all the beats you have painfully delivered to keep my body and soul together.

 Like the musk deer, we search for miracles in God Men, temples, on mountain tops and deep valleys. Not realizing that we and all that surround us are more than miracles. Every night we go to bed as we sleep, unaware of the existence of self and the universe.  The next morning as we wake at the break of dawn or sound off an alarm date, day, time and month come back in play. For us, the great miracle of awakening every day is commonplace. Allow a little common sense to come into play, pray at the break-off dawn and fall of night. Savor every moment spread love and compassion to all around and drink the cup of life with relish till the last golden drops.

 This morning as I  was watching tv,  my grandson jumped into my lap and Held on to me. I was. Surprised at his show of affection, asked him what the matter was. He pointed at a cockroach in the corner. Smilingly, I carried him and shooed the cockroach out of the door. This incident took me decades back, cockroaches were my nightmare. Even in 5th grade, I have crawled under the bed when I encountered the flying kind. I used to lie under the bed till my mother came and saved me from this predicament. Truly, even to this day, the flying cockroach gives me the creeps. I stand bravely in front of barking dogs and chattering monkeys, but this one thing is a secret I've kept for long. I believe we all have a hidden fear in mind.

 We try to perceive far beyond, yet cannot see within. We advise, criticize, and cajole the world  around fail to see the fault line’s that run deep within Pause, a while, tell your heart to slow down, Unburden your mind The world that will not end if your attention slips a while. Think of common sense as putty, And fix those fault line’s within, Meditate, contemplate, and you will see the cobwebs in your mind Once you dust them down, you will realize you don’t want to point an accusing finger at another soul. Instead, will be bent upon dusting cobwebs in their mind. So be non-judgmental, my friend, and extend this courtesy to all brethren.

 Life uses all the colors of the rainbow and more.  Darkness and its many shades pass as a medium for this versatile painter.  String off colors starts with love and ends with hope, with a lot of juice in between - the juice of life.  Many relationships pain you to tears, even if one, sheds for you hold on tight.  A few drops of salty dew could be the litmus test to who will be among the four to bear your weight as you prepare to go. 

I need, glasses to figure out what's in front of me. But with closed eyes, I can see my childhood flashing before me. At times, I need the GPS to get back home yet I still remember the criss-cross lanes behind my childhood home. The trees I climbed, the friends I teased, the fall that broke my knee. Dirty hands, soiled clothes, stain on my face all was allowed. Parents were bothered, only how much marks I got and not how much time I spent, with my nose in an open book. These memories come to me strongly, as I watch my children, play on artificial grass and wooden stands. Hands clean and sanitized nails cut and hair properly dressed. A tear somewhere at the corner of my eyes as I sadden, thinking of the magic my children and the child of today are missing out. I still need glasses.

Chip away, chip away, to glory at every mountain, hill, and valley. Turn the green to dusty brown,  and say goodbye to blue skies, Make the rivers dry, dump everything you don't want into oceans, plastic, sewage, or industrial waste chocking every fish and waterbird alive And finally, nature has cracked a whip hesitantly at first, but growing stronger with every whiplash delivering the message without leaving any doubt, on who is the boss that harsher messages would perhaps follow? Proud are you of your achievement of the stocks and bonds,  and gold and silver But remember, if your aircraft is crash landing you will have no time to pack your bags the last thing on your mind will be the bags if you are sane would be on how to get out the mess alive. If luck is otherwise and you are scrambling, do remember you haven't left sufficient air for those  you  leave behind even to take a deep breath of fresh air of what was once available freely on...

Stopped Smoking a Dream. Just two hours have passed I know, I know too early to state. The smell of my friend of 40 is strong I feel his presence in the air around. I stopped not because my better half chastised, my daughter beseeched. It took the lazy staff of the building l reside to open my eyes. Near the entrance was a smoking zone with an ashtray like a welcome mat. This was the only place I smoked every cigarette of mine. Glanced at the ashtray and quickly turned away. It was brimming over, with effort solely mine Revulsion set in and I took oath, yet again,  never to be the fool, yet again, Just then the door bell rang, I jumped out of my armchair, the daydream took to wings. I know there's still hope, for I have at least dreamed of a sight I had blocked for a long long time. Stopped smoking but the dream continues.

An illusionist had a couple of tricks up his sleeve. Made a living on small stages and streets. Crowd was small unappreciated, he found a penny here and there enough just to make ends meet. As age set in his hands lost their speed, card's fell from his pockets and hidden sockets, birds flew from this tilted hat he feared his livelihood at stake.  Just then a miracle happened, laughter broke in the small crowd, the sound of laughter attracted others, crowd growing large. That day his collection was more than what he got a month in the past. People who scorned his magic, saw not just card's fall but a joker too a natural to the core. Though things are slow and steps are small as you plough on, the colour of sand will keep changing, sign of good things to come.

Coronavirus, the monster in our midst is this tiny virus that doesn't really qualify to be a living thing but has put a break on all things.  Corona needs no introduction to the kid or septuagenarian. It has taught us many things, and also explained to use the real meaning of omnipresence.  We may forget our car keys, our mobile phone, but not the mask which we wear on a multi masked face. We have washed our hands more times in the past month or two than ever before.  We use our elbows and knuckles to operate elevators than use our fingers encased in high quality gloves.  Children have forgotten the playground and the swing is frozen in the act; the iPad and the TV are the pastime; pulling each others hair has become prime time stress relief.  You mark time by the food on the table: breakfast, lunch, and dinner indicates the moving of morning  to night.  Could have used this break for self introspection; could have come to conclusion that 6 feet of spa...

When you sleep and dream a healthy combination. A great man once said ( dreams are those that don't let you sleep). Circumstances, age, ill health and many more puts a spoke in your dream wheel then you allow it to sleep or slowly die away. Don't let your dream sleep, as long as your dream is awake and alive it makes it easier to face the hardships of life. You might dream of being an astronaut or an astrophysicist. But if life's turmoil and unpredictable winds lands you on strange shores, make astronomy a hobby and let stargazing be the last thing you do before you really sleep. Improvise dreams!  it is important to keep them alive, but the goal of life is being happy and spreading happiness wherever you are.

A very powerful weapon, or the most soothing balm. The cause of every war, or the reason to call off the dogs could all be found in the humble word - which is tossed around carelessly most times.   Behind every breakup, or a torn soul, you will find words were thrown back and forth.  Weapons kill or maim, but the wrong word spoken at the wrong time can maim a soul and there is no prosthetic for it - and will leave you behind as a vegetable for life. So spend it wisely, for when used with care the word can save lives, build trust and create a world at peace.

Haven't writing a word since dawn, and the pain is unbearable can't point out where it is, but sometimes in the stomach and at times in the chest, but now I think it is in my head. My hand, it is not steady and i can feel the tremors as I grasp the pen (I know I know - I mean the keyboard) And as I begin typing, I feel the pain ebbing, as words flow over every key. Addiction goes beyond addiction, I know: It is beyond cigarettes or being salve of Bacchus, you can get addicted to pain, of a different kind Hitting the gym or walking the mile again and again, till you are addicted after which it sets you free Or you could choose to get addicted by taking on someone else's pain, and be a helping hand for anyone who asks or doesn't. Take this on and make addiction look good on you, and chisel out a life divine.

Parenting can be a tight rope walk anything more to the right or left and you can take a fall, that's the image in your child's mind that goes crashing. Parenting is a learning process yes you learning from them. Animals are lucky they too have parenting norms but they don't have peer pressure they don't have Jones or Jane's to match their skills.   Wonder what Buddha would have said  maybe a single sentence( follow the middle path). Don't be too strict or too lenient, be firm but not loud the moment you shout you have lost the moment and your sense with it. To us he's playing all day, reality he's learning all the time. Be the safety net, be the road signs, don't be a boulder on his path built with curiosity and eagerness. Be the palm that holds this light,not the bushel that hides trying to protect. Welcome to be his hero but don't dream of him being like you. Help in moulding him, don't try to clone. Last I got to say leave him alone as mu...

Prayer cannot mitigate your problem it can give you strength to face it and intuition to find a solution. Prayer is the only option when all else fails Prayer generates hope, hope pacifies a troubled mind. Calm seeps in and thinking becomes straight. Pain threshold is lifted, sorrow mitigated. Prayer may not be an option, it's a subtle command probably from somewhere deep down our subconscious mind. Prayer is a gift a buffer created by nature to help us take a fall and bounce back.

Growing old a wonderful experience True a few drawbacks here and there. Missing tooth the least of my worries, a dimming vision, impaired hearing. In it's place I get better understanding in my dim vision I can see more than my youth could, I hear only a little but understand a lot more of what's behind the voice. I walk steadily but with a slower gait. When young I never new how many steps to the gate.  Now I know I don't have to hurry and go at a leisure pace I measure and taste the air and absorb the colours of nature around me. Never has the world seem so colourful in the past.  In my youth I have breezed past not noticing the flower on the plant or fruit on the tree only destination seemed important the path was just a means to the source. Now I am a little wise not to wish my youthful days back. There was a time when my mind heart and sight searched for bigger, faster, brighter things in life the jazz was loud the drinks were hot the head was in a cloud. Now I see thr...

How many excuses do we need to kill animals. A few I list: For taste to fill my belly and feed my young. For pleasure to hone my skill with a gun, knife and arrow. To protect my family from rabid man eating ones. To save my crop from stampeding giants. These are just a few the list goes on. When we realize that our young ones are blood flesh and bones just like the one's we shoot and slaughter maybe compassion will rise. I ask you not to become a saint overnight start with decreasing your desire to quench your thirst with blood from these helpless beings. What you gobble daily do it ones a week what you have once a week make it once a month. With this your sins will not decrease but at least agony of a few innocent beings. Vegan is far to reach start by being a true vegetarian in the least. If your honest to your self vegan will be the gift you receive.

Candle candle burning bright, in the forest of the night. Many sin and dine in your light knowing not your sacrifice. Others shine like the morning star, in the luminosity lent by you. Without even a word of thanks to you they bask in pseudo glory. No poet am I, nor singer but not so stone hearted that lines of fire fail to move me.

On the border stand a few men in shivering cold who have sworn that not a soul shall cross as long as they stand. You and I live oblivious of this cozy and safe their sacrifice gone unnoticed. At home we have a similar a farmer and soldier rolled into one who sees that there is food on the fire our safety his only concern. As long as alive we notice him not, a stranger to wish once in a while. He is the one we call father. Mother we praise in verse and rhyme yet not a word for him at home and the one on the border. Dear friends of mine remember them say a kind word once in a while they are the heroes brave hearts with hearts of gold.

I thought I was great doing great, interfering in others business. Poking my nose to straighten others.  Time went by a bloated ego was my prize. Then one eve by mistake or creators grace I looked within. Instead of a golden glow, I saw a sewer filled with stinking hatred jealousy and rotting pride. I fell on my knee tears in my eyes realizing I was worse than most of the people I advised.

Danger is not at the borders as you  think. The enemy is within hidden in sheep skin the wolf attacks the unsuspecting. I point out to no religion clan or creed all are to blame for this deed. Poisoning young minds with words so sweet a ring of truth in every utterance. They act out heinous deeds in the name of an unseen God leader and party. Before ABC's children at a tender age should be taught lessons of empathy, love and that tolerance is not cowardice. A nation is not a handful of sand or acres of land. It's people whose hearts beat as one though bodies separate. Oh God if there be lead my people to this state off ecstasy

The time when the sun was bathing  naked in fire. He stood like a statue his very breath changing the direction of the wind. His eyes roving the edge of the glade, for any movement, a prey tied to a tree bleats in a weak voice out off boredom or fear. The hunter not stone hearted like the rest off his clan, feels for the bait and the prey.  Never has he shot a bird in flight neither rabbit nor deer. Skilled at many a weapon the bow and arrow his best. Uses them sparingly only to protect animal or one off his kind. This evening he is committed to bring down a cheetah bitten by a rabid dog. Fear off spreading the madness to occupants of the glade. The sun slowly slips closer to the earth casting long shadows, harbinger of the dark night ahead. The hunter becomes more alert for if he misses the prey, the bait would die a helpless death. Let us leave this kind and brave man with a prayer on our lips that he succeeds in his endeavor.

Many a time in subtle and other ways nature tried to warn us. Spewing fire from mountain tops flooding the land, water rising in high waves from the bosom of the ocean. Black plague it sent now a tiny virus. Not a lesson have we learnt not a line understood. While building tower of babel, it is said misunderstanding was sown in our midst, to stop us from our task. We still build tower's that touch the clouds and dig deeper than the deepest valley. Forgetting that simple living is the best. Want not more than your hand can hold, a bed to sleep a roof to protect from the cold, it was ment to be thus. Greed and false pride got us here forgetting that all we need is 6 feet of space our final resting place.

A lifetime as a teacher many a IAS, IPS have gone through his tutelage. The satisfaction of a job well done brings a smile to his withered lips.  He was patient with his flock age has eroded his sense of humor looses his temper at all around. They wait for him to take his last resting kith and kin alike have no time for him. One fine morning when the household woke he failed to rise with the sun. As they prepare him for his final journey by word of mouth a crowd gathers at there front door to pay respect to this grand old man. The said list of IAS, IPS, Doctors and more are some of them who have come to have a last glimpse of this great soul. As they watch they wonder whether a gentle smile had replaced the tiny frown on these lifeless lips.

If God was your neighbour in a village, you would have exchanged pleasantries, would have know by the look in his face whether he had lunch or not. His eyes would have told you if he needed a shoulder to cry. In the city in a flat if he was your neighbour would have met him in the corridor or lift occasionally giving and receiving a meaningless smile. If that's gods story just imagine the rest.

The only time the screwdriver slipped in the creators hand was when he made man. Every time a hungry one shares his food God smiles when he shares what is left he embraces him and takes him into his fold wondering how this one got it right. That's why good ones leave in  haste. One can be kind from footwear to hat or cruel the earth will bear both one with a smile the other a frown.

My list of friends are growing short, my table mates are disappearing. Fans I had none then and now the only fan I know is stuck to the ceiling. I wonder what they saw when they flocked around me and what they missed when they flew away. I haven't changed but for a few gray hairs on my head, laugh lines as I call them when they adorn my face on other's they are wrinkles. The intelligence of a five year old the mind of a teen, I've grown in weight and strength otherwise I remain almost the same. I've tried to change with the changing times but a feeble voice within me whispers though shall not. Within me I am a happy soul when the world desired great things mine was for an ice cream from the corner store.

Am I different I burn like the candle But shed no light neither for self, friend or foe. Am I an island due to faith or my  Own making I have the comfort of a soft bed company off my Kith and kin. Yet am I alone in the hell of my mind unknown to me. 

Mother brings a lot off memories The first perfume I smelt was hers as I snuggled in her arms. Years later when Angels needed her more than me I realized that she wore no perfume all her life, what I smelt was her love for me.  Now  know why angels look so beautiful it's because you and many a mother is there to braid their hair just right.

Lockdown, a housewife asks what may it be Staying home going nowhere for a month or so Oh I've been in that state ten and a score. Why do people complain its never boring as they say. Washing and the cooking the dishes and the floor only my aching back reminds me it's night. In school and college I was the star of the stage now my stage is the kitchen and the dining room the smile on satisfied faces I consider reward enough. Happy with my work satisfied with my state.